Monday, December 26, 2011

Being Fully Present

I'm a laundry washer, folder, and put away-er.  I am an unprofessional chef, a personal shopper, and a maid. I'm a personal attendant in the bathroom, a dog walker, and a best friend.

As a mom, one of my strengths is being able to to multi-task.  It's one of the great divides between my husband and me. I think that if you are a wife and a mother, it's a necessity to be able to do more than one thing at a time.

Yet recently I'm wondering if my strength isn't also one of my flaws as a mom.

So often, I begin playing with the kids, just to "be back in a minute" to check dinner just as we have started.  Or my phone rings, and I rush off to check if it's important, or I hear the laundry bell ding, or I hear my computer alert me to a new email.

I tell myself I can multi-task.  After all, I am playing with the kids, throwing a load in the dishwasher, baking dinner in the oven, while balancing my computer on my arm to double check the recipe with my phone tucked between my ear and my shoulder to talk with Audi.

Meanwhile, the kids begin to whine because I'm not really playing with them (even though I said I would...) and of course my frustration begins to take root. It blossoms quickly into anger when I have a child hanging on my leg while I try to open the oven door, and it is in full bloom as I lose my temper because why can't they ever let me just get something done?

There is a balance, sure.  As a full time wife and mother, and home keeper, I have to get the laundry done.  The load of dishes do in fact need to be washed, and I probably shouldn't wait too much longer to clean up the juice spilled 8 hours ago.

But, I also need to learn to be solely focused on my kids when I'm really with the kids.  They deserve my undivided attention.  Not all of the time, no.  But at least more than I'm doing now.

I suspect that what drives me crazy about Gibbs... his concentration, his willingness to be committed wholly to whatever he is doing, to be able to drown out the outside world while engaged in a task... is the very thing I need to learn.  And definitely want my kids to learn.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might." Ecclesiastes 9:10

Lately, I've been suffering a disconnection with God, and as I sit writing this, it is becoming rather obvious that in this God is showing me that this is also my problem with Him.  I do my bible study, read the verses, but I'm keeping an ear open for the dinner timer, getting the babies one more drink of water, and answering the phone in the middle.... I'm hardly spending the time with Him that He deserves, and that I need.

Luke 10:38-42 

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

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