Last week my husband asked me why I felt the need to push him in his career. Do I not trust him? Or not believe in him? Do I think he doesn't have any drive? (I'm not asking these questions, he ACTUALLY asked me this!) I was shocked, I believe in him, trust him, and thinks he has (if anything) too much drive. This prompted a great conversation between us (and between V and myself) so I thought I'd share my final thoughts on it all..
Occasionally, I find myself asking Gibbs about his future plans, goals, etc. I ask him what's next? Another degree? A different job? What about saving for the kids' college? Retirement? I guess I think that with all he has to think about in his day to day responsibilities, he doesn't have the time, or maybe even the inclination, to think about the future. I found out I was wrong, but actually more importantly, I think I figured out WHY I am always asking these questions that feel like "unsubtle pushing & nagging" to my husband.
As I struggled with trying to find a way to explain this to Gibbs, I spoke with V and found out that she does this same thing to her husband! Maybe several women do this? I'm not sure. V & I have always known we were a little high maintenance, so feel free to say you've never done this!
It sometimes feels like being on the sideline at the basketball game. I'm watching Gibbs play. He's doing great. Scoring, Guarding, whatever else you're supposed to do when you are playing. But I'm just watching. I'm on the sidelines, bringing the players water. Making sure the bench is clean. Not to say that hydration isn't important! But I start to feel maybe a little underappreciated, and think, hey?! I have a great idea! I'll coach instead. Yeah. I can definitely coach WHILE I'm standing here, filling water cups, making food, cleaning the bench. I'm sure I can call plays a lot better than my husband.... after all, he is SO busy PLAYING!
As it turns out, my husband doesn't LOVE it when I coach him. I feel like I'm back in the Garden of Eden. He struggles to work hard, and maintain the head of the home position God calls him to. And I work hard, struggling to call the plays, and make myself the head of the home....
Do women who work feel this struggle also? Is it control or is it a struggle to feel valued?
I don't have all the answers yet. But, I know that God is calling me to be my husband's helpmate. And if Gibbs doesn't think my pushing/nagging is helping.... well I guess I might want to reconsider how I demonstrate my love and respect for him. Maybe while I'm re-learning respect for my husband, I'll learn a little something about how trustworthy God's Word is.