It's tough to put into words how I feel/felt about this vacation.
I have been going to Hawai'i fairly frequently, considering it's halfway across the world, since I was 14. I had built up a romantic trip like this in my head with that "special someone" before a husband was ever seriously considered. Sunset sails, walks on the beach, stolen kisses underwater. I'm not kidding. I had created a vacation in my head full of excitement, love, adventure, relaxation.... So, Gibbs, loving me as he does, finally agreed to take me there. Even though we really couldn't afford it, even though C was really too young for us to leave for a week....
Any of you reading this know my husband? I'm sure you are laughing to yourself if you do. Excitement? Adventure? Love? My husband is the most solid, hard working, responsible man I know. He loves me undoubtedly...but our ideas/ideals differ just a bit. And also, I would literally kill him if I tried to kiss him underwater. I'm not joking, he would drown.
Does anyone know where this is going yet? The vacation could never live up to what I needed from it. Yes, it was beautiful, and I do love spending time with my hubbie. But I came home with a list of lessons learned. Ironically, I have a tattoo that says Live and Learn, and the first "learned" lesson from my list is inspired because of the thousands of tattoos I saw being needled into young dumb girls on vacation:
1. Don't get tattoos.
2. Never leave a 9 month old for a vacation. It's so selfish. No excuses for the timing on my part. I was being selfish and I regret the timing a lot.
3. Choose your "vacation" (insert: car, house, toys, etc) based on what you can afford. If you can't afford it, it doesn't matter if you think you "need" it, or that it's a good "deal".... Obviously you don't, otherwise God would have provided you with an opportunity that didn't require financial stress and burden.
4. Feelings are much better controlled by attittude than circumstance. Examples: romance, relaxation, love.
I had previously thought that walking on the beach would be romantic, but really a walk on the beach is no different than a walk down my road. Another example: a sunset cruise. oh jeez, this one had attained near divine status. And it was beautiful (we actually did this in Hawaii together) and "romantic" but what is the difference between a ride on a Hawaiian boat for an astronomical price and a ride on our own boat, for free.... answer: nothing. really.
5. I love my husband for who he is. and my children for who they are. They are not perfect, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way to "change" the kids, "change" my husband ...in other words of course (who would ever try to "change" their husband? or admit to it anyways) But I can't. Gibbs is who he is. The kids...I can try to alter/direct some of their behaviors, but I am not going to change that K has down syndrome, or that D is scared of the dark and hates sleeping alone, or that C is growing up, despite my desire that he doesn't.
I'm lucky to have been able to go on a trip like this. Otherwise, how could I have learned that I don't need trips like this to be happy, or to relax, or to have romance with my husband.... Ahh...lessons.