More than Adrift

 "Out there things can happen, and frequently do, to people as brainy and footsy as you.  And when things start to happen. Don't worry. Don't Stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening to." There are days that I wake up, with words in my head, dreams in my heart.... feeling unexpectedly like "myself."  Full of hope for the day, excitement for what could happen, what I could accomplish.  These are the days that I'm reminded of who I used to be.  In my youth, I thought the World was open to me.  I could chase any dream that I wanted to pursue. As I've been staying at home raising my three little loves, something has shifted though.  These "dreamer" days come much less frequently.  The hope of accomplishment slowly leaking out of a balloon that may or may not have been too full to begin with. Sometimes it feels like every dream I have has to be sifted through so many filters that there's hardly anything left at the bottom....

Even before I write this, I know that anyone reading this will realize I'm struggling with decisions, and I know dear friends struggling with even bigger decisions.  But I'm going to write it anyways, and hope that it comes out more clearly than it is currently in my mind. Sacrifice is a huge part of parenting.  I've written about my thoughts on this before ("Dreams"   "Losing Yourself") but it's something I continually come back to.  How much sacrifice should we make?   It's easy for me to make this call on the every day decisions.  Sacrificing for one more hug when you really want some personal space.  Sacrificing your 20 minute shower, because your son thinks the death star should be built on the toilet.  Sacrificing your peace of mind because they are begging for just one more game of Simon Says (which actually turns into 20!)  Sacrificing your standard of cleanliness, because they think it will be more fun to paint with their elbows. ...

The more I teach, the more I am convinced that there is a definitive link between art, science, and learning. I love the hands on opportunities that art presents.  And although I am not artistically inclined myself, I love losing myself in art.  I love the story art can tell.  I love that for my little preschoolers, art actually DOES tell the story. Art is a language builder.  It's a fine motor skill to be perfected. It's emotional development, a tool for expressing your emotions.  It's math in one of it's earliest forms: color recognition, color mixing, patterns.... It's science: "Why didn't the waterpaint cover the crayon?"  "I'm going to paint this bear in the arctic because it's a polar bear." Science is the same way.  Teaching a child to explore concepts for themselves is the single most important thing I can imagine instilling in young minds. Don't just accept that I've told you red and blue make purple, test it....

"What is the point of that?" It's a reoccurring question that seems to pop up a lot lately with children's activities that I post about. I'll blog about an activity we've done, or post pictures on facebook of a fun project, or "Pin" ideas for sensory bins and other fun things to do with the kids on Pinterest.  And inevitably I get an email, a comment, a question.... "Why? Why would you make a mess like that?"  "That seems like a lot of work"  "What would you do with those?" Some are questions by parents who genuinely want to know, others are a little more condescending than that. So in response to everyone's questions or comments, and those who maybe really are just wondering why? but not asking.... it's for fun.   Just for fun! Sure, I could write an entire summary of everything gained from something like "Sparkle Mud" (do you want me to? I will! There's fine motor opportunities in manipu...

Wow... it's been an entire year of blogging. I never thought I would stick with something this long.  It's in my nature to quit, to give up, usually before beginning, but almost always before it's finished. I had set a goal for myself that I would write frequently for an entire year, to help me collect my own thoughts, share the feelings and struggles that I go through as a mom and a wife, and just as a person. Also just to practice accomplishing goals. I hope that throughout this year I have shared something that has struck a personal chord with someone reading it.  I hope that I haven't come off as overly confident in my mothering, or overly insecure in my mothering. I hope I have shared honestly and genuinely without sounding as if I am preaching, but also not being fearful to be true to myself and to my faith.  I try not to be overly embarrassed of my struggles, or prideful of the accomplishments. God has shown me a lot of weaknesses in my life this year, He...

I grew up in a culture where confidence was valued, the mantras often being repeated...."be yourself," and "never change who you are." I went to a private all girls school, where you would think that uniforms, strict schedules and rules would increase conformity, but it did the opposite.  We struggled to increase our uniqueness, to stand out, to be different, to be remembered.  We prided ourselves on being strong women who knew who we were, who weren't afraid to stand up in what we believed in. But here I am, 10 years later, struggling with the juxtaposition between a culture that says "Be yourself" but also the deep desire to be well liked, to fit in, to have harmony and unity within all of my relationships. I watch girly girl movies, read girly girl books.... often that have the theme of being true to yourself.  Don't be afraid to be who you are!  I pump my fist in the air and defiantly think.. that's right!  I don't need to...

I'm a laundry washer, folder, and put away-er.  I am an unprofessional chef, a personal shopper, and a maid. I'm a personal attendant in the bathroom, a dog walker, and a best friend. As a mom, one of my strengths is being able to to multi-task.  It's one of the great divides between my husband and me. I think that if you are a wife and a mother, it's a necessity to be able to do more than one thing at a time. Yet recently I'm wondering if my strength isn't also one of my flaws as a mom. So often, I begin playing with the kids, just to "be back in a minute" to check dinner just as we have started.  Or my phone rings, and I rush off to check if it's important, or I hear the laundry bell ding, or I hear my computer alert me to a new email. I tell myself I can multi-task.  After all, I am playing with the kids, throwing a load in the dishwasher, baking dinner in the oven, while balancing my computer on my arm to double check the recipe with my...