More than Adrift

In the crazy, busy season of our life that we are in, my friendships have often taken a backseat to my "to do" list and to the people that need me the most (k, d, and c, not to name names...) It's not that I don't value my friends, I do!  I am a social, energetic person who loves being around people, but the longer my "to do" list becomes, the less time I spend outside of my little bubble. We are getting prepared to move away from WI, a place we have to come to regard as "home," to a new city in MN.  As we get ready, I find myself putting off cleaning the fridge to hang out with a friend.  Or not worrying about the laundry, so that I can make it to the bible study on Friday mornings.  Grocery shopping doesn't HAVE to be done on Wednesdays, since a friend happened to be available for a play date that same morning.  I took the kids out on a long walk because I wanted them to enjoy the trail near our house, rather than getting that long workout ...

When Kaitlyn was first born and diagnosed with Down Syndrome, I had a wonderful doctor come in and encourage me.  He told me that although it felt like my world was ending, it wasn't.  It was really just beginning. I don't remember a lot from the first few days, but I do remember doubting. I read a poem that first month, about raising a child with a disability, that likened the feeling to having a dream die.  Suddenly the dream of a certain destination, the "end goal" of raising children seems impossible.... The last 6 1/2 years have been the most eye opening, life changing years of my life. Watching Kaitlyn fight her way to independence has given me hope and faith that I didn't have before her. I have been so deeply humbled by celebrating each accomplishment with her, accomplishments that I didn't think she was capable of.  And it shifted the way that I see my purpose in life in a way that nothing else could have. Last night, celebrating Down Syndro...

 "Out there things can happen, and frequently do, to people as brainy and footsy as you.  And when things start to happen. Don't worry. Don't Stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening to." There are days that I wake up, with words in my head, dreams in my heart.... feeling unexpectedly like "myself."  Full of hope for the day, excitement for what could happen, what I could accomplish.  These are the days that I'm reminded of who I used to be.  In my youth, I thought the World was open to me.  I could chase any dream that I wanted to pursue. As I've been staying at home raising my three little loves, something has shifted though.  These "dreamer" days come much less frequently.  The hope of accomplishment slowly leaking out of a balloon that may or may not have been too full to begin with. Sometimes it feels like every dream I have has to be sifted through so many filters that there's hardly anything left at the bottom....

Even before I write this, I know that anyone reading this will realize I'm struggling with decisions, and I know dear friends struggling with even bigger decisions.  But I'm going to write it anyways, and hope that it comes out more clearly than it is currently in my mind. Sacrifice is a huge part of parenting.  I've written about my thoughts on this before ("Dreams"   "Losing Yourself") but it's something I continually come back to.  How much sacrifice should we make?   It's easy for me to make this call on the every day decisions.  Sacrificing for one more hug when you really want some personal space.  Sacrificing your 20 minute shower, because your son thinks the death star should be built on the toilet.  Sacrificing your peace of mind because they are begging for just one more game of Simon Says (which actually turns into 20!)  Sacrificing your standard of cleanliness, because they think it will be more fun to paint with their elbows. ...

The more I teach, the more I am convinced that there is a definitive link between art, science, and learning. I love the hands on opportunities that art presents.  And although I am not artistically inclined myself, I love losing myself in art.  I love the story art can tell.  I love that for my little preschoolers, art actually DOES tell the story. Art is a language builder.  It's a fine motor skill to be perfected. It's emotional development, a tool for expressing your emotions.  It's math in one of it's earliest forms: color recognition, color mixing, patterns.... It's science: "Why didn't the waterpaint cover the crayon?"  "I'm going to paint this bear in the arctic because it's a polar bear." Science is the same way.  Teaching a child to explore concepts for themselves is the single most important thing I can imagine instilling in young minds. Don't just accept that I've told you red and blue make purple, test it....

"What is the point of that?" It's a reoccurring question that seems to pop up a lot lately with children's activities that I post about. I'll blog about an activity we've done, or post pictures on facebook of a fun project, or "Pin" ideas for sensory bins and other fun things to do with the kids on Pinterest.  And inevitably I get an email, a comment, a question.... "Why? Why would you make a mess like that?"  "That seems like a lot of work"  "What would you do with those?" Some are questions by parents who genuinely want to know, others are a little more condescending than that. So in response to everyone's questions or comments, and those who maybe really are just wondering why? but not asking.... it's for fun.   Just for fun! Sure, I could write an entire summary of everything gained from something like "Sparkle Mud" (do you want me to? I will! There's fine motor opportunities in manipu...

Wow... it's been an entire year of blogging. I never thought I would stick with something this long.  It's in my nature to quit, to give up, usually before beginning, but almost always before it's finished. I had set a goal for myself that I would write frequently for an entire year, to help me collect my own thoughts, share the feelings and struggles that I go through as a mom and a wife, and just as a person. Also just to practice accomplishing goals. I hope that throughout this year I have shared something that has struck a personal chord with someone reading it.  I hope that I haven't come off as overly confident in my mothering, or overly insecure in my mothering. I hope I have shared honestly and genuinely without sounding as if I am preaching, but also not being fearful to be true to myself and to my faith.  I try not to be overly embarrassed of my struggles, or prideful of the accomplishments. God has shown me a lot of weaknesses in my life this year, He...