Sitting at dinner with my best friend last week, we reminisced about middle school and high school (which we attended together) It often comes up in our communication that we should have enjoyed the moments more when we were in them. Why couldn't we see how fleeting those moments were? Instead I was too busy being stressed out to enjoy it....
I can often be found looking into the future, planning, worrying... or looking backwards into the past... regretting one thing or another, wishing I had enjoyed childhood more, wishing I had realized how blessed I was.
In middle school, our youthful angst and insecurities kept us from enjoying the friendships, lack of responsibility. In high school, there were so many missed opportunities to travel with my school, team sports I wish I would have tried out for, school plays, student government. I was too busy with boyfriends, stressed out over friendship anxiety, wishing for college to hurry here... In college, well, I don't want to be repetitive. But it was more of the same. I was looking ahead, excited for what the future would hold for me. But just missing the actual college experience.
I don't know what is written into my DNA that causes me to never be happy with what I have. I can never seem to believe that moments and stages I'm in are fleeting. As soon as I get used to a stage of life, it's gone, leaving me with regrets that I didn't enjoy them more.
With my kids, it's easy to see that it's going to be the same pattern. People tell me often to "enjoy this stage" when they are little like this, so needy, so demanding, so loving. But, I'm often found sitting on the couch, dreaming of a time that they can fix their own breakfast, sleep in a little later, go to school several hours each day....
Without anything to compare the next stage with, I'm left feeling like the way it is now is the way it will always be. So I forget to enjoy the wonderful things in this stage, and feel stress over the not so wonderful things. Soon, the wonderful things, and the not so wonderful parts, will seem fleeting.
My prayer for this week is that I will live in the moment. Not be anxious over tomorrow because tomorrow will worry for itself (that Jesus, He always has something wise to say about everything!) Rejoice in THIS day that the Lord has Made.