More than Adrift

Sitting at dinner with my best friend last week, we reminisced about middle school and high school (which we attended together)  It often comes up in our communication that we should have enjoyed the moments more when we were in them.  Why couldn't we see how fleeting those moments were?  Instead I was too busy being stressed out to enjoy it.... I can often be found looking into the future, planning, worrying... or looking backwards into the past... regretting one thing or another, wishing I had enjoyed childhood more, wishing I had realized how blessed I was.  In middle school, our youthful angst and insecurities kept us from enjoying the friendships, lack of responsibility.  In high school, there were so many missed opportunities to travel with my school, team sports I wish I would have tried out for, school plays, student government. I was too busy with boyfriends, stressed out over friendship anxiety, wishing for college to hurry here...  In college...

I think struggling with prayer is a rite of passage in faith.  Hearing "no" from my dad was hard for me as a child, and I don't think it has gotten any easier when I hear no from my heavenly father.  What if we pray for something that is noble, important, that would demonstrate His love? What if we are praying for our child's life? Our mother's health? Or something simpler, like just ONE night of good sleep... And He answers with "My grace is sufficient for you" (2 corinthians 12:9) I've been in church many times when our worship team has sung "His Grace is Enough"  I've done enough bible studies where I've learned it, heard many sermons about it, but I've never really believed it. Until today, it was a head lesson, and not a heart lesson. Is it really enough? Some days it doesn't feel like enough. When C was born, and I stayed awake night after night, nursing, rocking, crying, praying. I had to wake up at 6 am with two...

Last week, as our veggies in the garden looked a little thirsty, I helped my farming guru husband out by watering them. I felt rather proud of myself, and told him of my kindness that evening.  "See, I know how to take care of a garden too!" Unfortunately, Gibbs gave me a small, informative, lecture on over-watering plants! He says that if we water plants every day, even when I think they look "thirsty"  I take away the opportunity for them to grow deeper roots. Me: So? Gibbs: So? Plants that have shallow roots are uprooted by storms. Plants that have shallow roots don't bear very much fruit. I mean, come on, this should be obvious right?  To be fair, I grew up in West Bloomfield. We don't do much gardening there. Later that day, in my bible study, I was reading through Romans 1. It says that through the creation we can know the Creator. I've read it before, and can think of various examples, but this was so concrete and visible to me this week!...

In my attempt for complete openness, This week has not been the best for us! K has been in meltdown mode due to the ending of school and routine changes, so it's been a domino effect (first, her meltdowns, then down goes my patience, then D's attitude, then C cries because everyone else is crying...) But, we did manage to steal a few sweet moments in between, so I thought I'd share those instead of the stories of tears and frustrations :)                                                        Our super fun handprint butterflies!           Our father's card for dad (sssshhhh) from Kait, the inside reads: "I'll always be your little lady"    ...

Growing up hasn't come naturally to me. I'd say it's happened more by accident than planning. When I found out I was pregnant with K, I was not ready to grow up and leave the fun/irresponsibility of youth behind. But when you choose to have children, you choose to die to self. I think this was the first step in becoming a Christian. Learning to live for someone other than myself. But the past is a funny thing. It has a way of sneaking up unexpectedly, maybe a smell triggers a memory, a song, a restaurant. And when it does, the feelings, the hurts, the excitement, it can almost feel tangible. As a Christian, I know that my somewhat "colorful" past is something God can use to reach others, but more importantly, I know He wants me to be able to let go of it and fully move on past it. There are times that my current life doesn't "feel" fulfilling enough. I go through cycles of happiness, satisfaction, regret, and acceptance semi-frequently. Ther...