The Debt We Owe One Another

A few months ago, I enrolled my two oldest kids in a recreation department track program. It was the first thing that Kait & Drew have been enrolled in together. Their interests and abilities are SO different that it's simply never come up before. They've never attended school, a sports practice, or even a friend's birthday party together.

At the first practice, as I often have to do with my daughter, I walked her through what the program would look like along with what my expectations were, as Drew ran off to join his friends. She loves to run, and although she has Down syndrome, I was fairly confident that she would be able to do well in track without any assistance.

Fifteen minutes later, they were learning to hand off the baton for relay races, and she was sitting down in the middle of the track refusing to hand over the baton. Angry because the kid in front of her kept running away when she tried to get close to him and hand the baton off... this kid was not being mean, that's actually the technique with relay races... but to her, it was too much to process and she totally shut down.

I try not to write too often about Down syndrome. For a lot of reasons, but mainly because when you think of my family, I don't want that to be the first thing you think of. And when you think of K, I don't want that to be the first thing you think of either!

But on this day, her diagnosis was the only thing I was thinking of. Her disability was what the track coach was frustrated with, and the reason the other kids were staring.

Her diagnosis has changed our family, some things for the better, some things for the harder. Just like my son's love of sports. Or my husband's obsession, I mean, love of farming. And those things have shaped and changed us too.

The difference being that no one looks at me strangely for walking around Target with a husband who loves sheep. No one stares and points at Caleb, who is constantly wearing sports apparel of some kind. No one asks me "what's wrong with the way he talks" when Drew goes on and on about wrestling or makes weird sound effects from a movie.

But those things do happen with my daughter.

I did intervene at that track practice. I helped her get back into the group and finish the relay, but middle school kids aren't known for their forgiving and forgetful natures. I'm sure you can imagine how many kids wanted her on their relay team, my son included.

Later that evening as I was saying good night to Drew, he confessed feeling embarrassed during practice. He knew he should have said something or done something, but his friends were making fun of her, and he wasn't sure what to say or do to help.

If you have a child who has special needs, you know this juxtaposition of parenting a kid that you desperately want to be accepted for who they are, along with being understanding and supportive of your typical kids that are struggling to accept your child for who they are.... it is HARD stuff.

I know that it is HARD to expect your kids to be friends with someone who is different. I know that middle school and high school students have a hard enough time fitting in without worrying about being kind to my daughter.

But, one thing farming has taught me is that it is good to expect your kids to do hard things. I think one problem with the kids raised up in this generation is that we don't expect nearly enough from them. We have sold them the lie that the world revolves around them, and it's just fine for them to only worry about themselves.

That night with Drew, I hugged him. I told him I understood how he was feeling, and I confessed similar feelings of my own.  But, I just couldn't let him off the hook. It would have been short changing who I know God wants him to become.

He is called to be kind to his sister. Not just his sister. The kid in his class who is mean. That person at church that bugs him. People who are drastically different than him. And I will not accept less from him, because I know he is capable of doing hard things.

Here is what I want everyone know about my beautiful, sassy, sometimes bratty, fiercely independent little red head who has Down syndrome: She does not need your pity, or your child's pity. But she desperately needs their kindness.

You and I encounter hundreds of people every day. It's easy to stay wrapped up in our own world, worried about our own jobs, our own kids, our own problems. And when something is uncomfortable, and we don't know what to say, or what to do, it becomes even harder to push ourselves out of that self-focused mindset. But I know that we are capable of doing hard things. Kindness....Compassion... everyone deserves that. As children of God, made in His image, redeemed through His son, we owe that to one another.

"Therefore, as dearly loved children of God, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience" - Colossians 3:12