Why are you trying so hard?

Yesterday, my 11 year old shared with me some new phrases going around school, peers insulting kids by saying they're a "try hard" or calling them sweaty when they do something well (sweaty from working so hard.)

This year, being his first year in public school, Drew didn't realize that being good at math is something that other kids would mock. At home, we sometimes reward the kids when they hit certain education goals at school but mostly, we expect them to do their best at everything, and do well because we know they are capable of doing well. When I see Drew at basketball practice, he might not make every (*cough* any) layup, but we expect that when his coach says to run, he's running his hardest.

I see this aversion to trying hard play out among his peers in every aspect of these kids' lives. There is one boy in Drew's grade that is just exceptionally talented in basketball. And his peers make fun of him for being good and refuse to play with him at recess. One girl, who is the best in the class at the Mandolin they are playing in music class, is teased when she plays. Drew wins a Math 24 challenge and his friends mock him the rest of the day for it.

Too often, I see young men and women doing the very least amount necessary at everything they do. They'll turn in their assignments, but refuse to show their work. They'll (sometimes) finish the presentation, but not with one extra piece of information in it. They will sign up for basketball, but don't ask them to hustle. Don't ask them to clean their rooms, or unload the dishwasher, or study for an exam.

How silly is it that being a "try hard" is an insult? What is going on in these kids' minds that they would think running to first base (when you could walk) makes you look like you're working too hard, practicing an instrument and getting first chair is too desperate, getting an A on an exam is a waste of energy?

It's ingrained in youth culture that being someone who tries hard at anything is uncool.

To be painfully transparent, I am doing a not-so-great job this year as a Christian parent. I am really struggling having my kids in school and not conforming to the World's standards. I so badly want my kids to fit in. To be accepted, to never be teased. I am so tempted to tell Drew to keep silent when he sees things that are unfair or unkind. I've been tempted to just get Drew a phone so that he can Snapchat his friends like almost every other 5th grader has in his class, to let him play Fortnight so he isn't teased for being a "garbage fortnight player" (a really biting insult to an 11 year old boy)

Yesterday, when he shared with me about kids teasing him about his school work, I really wanted to tell him just to hide his math ability, not excel in any way that people notice, to blend in better. For his own sake, but the truth is, also for my own. Because when my kids succeed at something, even just being popular, I feel better about myself too.

But this morning, God reminded me that He has called all of us to be better than just going with the flow, He has called us to BE more than someone trying to blend in. And this starts at home. I have to be willing to live it out in my own life and face my own fears of not fitting in, in order to encourage my kids to do the same.

I refuse to be a parent that accepts less than my kids' best. At anything, at everything, they do. I do not care what things in their life they choose to be passionate about, they can choose any sport, any club, any activity they want. But when they do it, I will not accept apathy just to fit in better. In sports, in academics, in activities, but mostly, in our faith. We keep fighting the good fight, especially when we find ourselves faced with something that seems difficult, we TRY HARD.

Colossians 3:23 And Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord and not for men.