More than Adrift

Is there anything that feels more leisurely than a tropical island vacation? Nothing can compare to it. The entire atmosphere of the island is carefully constructed with one purpose in mind. The ocean breeze seems to whisper "you worked so hard to get here, you earned this" as you sip on a perfectly made Mai Tai and listen to the strumming on a ukulele and the musician softly singing a Hawaiian version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow. While we were those people on that vacation, we attended a time share presentation. Yes, yes, I know. Never attend those! Though we firmly said no multiple times, the presentation continued until, finally, the salesman pulls out his trump card. "But, you guys have three kids, and run a farm, and work, you truly deserve a vacation. You must believe that." Now it is no secret that I do not always love living on a farm. I grew up attending private school, vacationing, and spending my weekends on my dad's yacht. So far...

Recently, my 9 year old son earned first place in showmanship at our county fair. This is remarkable if you know my son because he does not come by this naturally. He has a hard time with competition, and to be honest, his very spirit seems to rebel against the idea of hard work. This win did not come easy for him. He has worked for two and a half years learning what showmanship is all about. He has lost, and I mean REALLY lost, many showmanship classes. He has been in tears after a show. He has yelled at us when we offer advice. He has attended workshops. He has watched youtube videos. He has spent his summer mornings out in the show barn while other kids his age are watching cartoons. And after he won, a fellow 4H leader made the comment to me that “It isn’t really fair when kids who show in all of these other sheep shows around the country come to these county fairs and win, when the other kids are just learning.” I’m sorry… what? I didn’t reply in that moment, not out ...

Saturday morning, at 6am, right before heading off to the state fair, Reid and I had the chance to catch a cup of coffee, alone! Did I mention that we had no kids with us while drinking our cup of coffee?? It was a miracle. And as anyone with little kids know, when they are around you have to watch every single word you say. A carelessly spoken word about someone gets repeated at an inopportune moment. A slip of the tongue, and soon your 6 year old is saying "That's total crap!" at anyone within 50 feet. So while we were alone for this cup of coffee, I really took off the filter. "Why don't we just quit showing sheep? This is total insanity. We can't win against people that have been raising sheep for 40 years! Think of how much money it will take to ever really be an established breeder! I think we should get out now." (Yes, this is an embarassing look into the mind of someone who has quit every hard thing that has ever come my way.) Unfo...

I love the farm. And I love my husband, but... Today, the weather in Wisconsin is cold. Icy rain cold with gusts of winds strong enough to knock my youngest off his feet and into the muddy freezing puddles. A few of our sheep are unlucky enough to be stuck outside without shelter temporarily, as we assumed Spring was on its way (no lambs, no pregnant ewes, don't report me to some animal welfare agency!) My lovely husband sort of halfheartedly mentioned on his way out the door this morning that he thought we should find a way to get them in the barn today, but didn't have time to worry about it before work. And off he went. And left me here with freezing cold sheep AND children I am in charge of tending. I put my battle gear on before his truck even left the driveway.  On my own, I went up to the barn to attempt a pen rearrangement. Knowing that I would obviously not excel at this task. I am no farm woman! This involves moving gates, water, feed, but worst of all jo...

This week, I was challenged by a sermon that asked if we have taken any steps of faith recently. Any steps that are uncomfortable and truly pushing you to “live by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor 5) All week, I’ve been worrying that maybe my steps have been guided my logic, my husband, and financial security instead of God’s Divine Will. My life feels so plain. So regular, that it’s hard to feel like I’m taking steps of faith! As Shakespeare said, nothing is more ordinary than the desire to be extraordinary. Most tasks feel mundane and unimportant in life, and I am constantly being pulled in two different directions. Wanting to play it safe and be comfortable and wanting to take some huge giant step of faith to prove that I’m genuine. When I mentioned this to my husband, his reaction was disbelief. “Why do you think everything has to be unreasonable in order to be a step of faith? Faith can be reasonable too. What do you think we are doing, every day?”  This literally has ...

There is a certain temptation that always seems to find itself in my path. You know what I mean, don't you? The one thing that is desirable to you... maybe it's the lure of money, jealousy, gossip, pride, whatever it is, it always seems to find you, doesn't it? I write a lot about sin, and think a lot about sin, because it's something I'm always grappling with. No amount of bible studies, sermons, accountability groups, or Sunday school classes can keep you from living in the real, beautiful, fallen, imperfect world. In my early walk with authentic Christianity, I thought if I learned the rules well enough, I could avoid everything I ought to avoid... and Just when I would start to think that I have everything mastered, temptation would trip me up all over again. Today, when temptation knocked on my door, however, it was.. dare I say... easy to close the door. It didn't feel like dying to myself, it didn't even feel painful, it felt freeing. "...

Thanksgiving is nearly here. And as I begin trying to rid myself of the thanklessness that often overshadows the blessings, I find myself growing in self control, and joy, and peace. This week in our Sunday school class, the teens walked through the story of Cain and Abel. A story which I have known for years, but settled into my heart this week. As Cain struggles with feelings of jealousy and anger, God comes to him. Speaks to him directly, though we don't have details, I can imagine it vividly. Cain is feeling rejected, jealous of God's favor towards his brother. I'd guess that there are deeper rooted issues, though I'm certainly adding my own back story here, but given Cain's enormous reaction, this probably isn't the first time Cain has felt slighted. But God doesn't walk away, leaving him to seethe in his frustration. He comes to Cain. While Cain is angry, God speaks to him gently, lovingly. "Why are you angry? Why has your countenance fallen...