More than Adrift

Growing up I never felt like I fully fit in. I don't really attribute this to any certain thing, but it's probably a combination of many things, one of which is just my anxious personality! I remember being teased by other kids, probably not more than other kids were, but as a kid you don't notice these things. I remember coming home feeling terrible about myself, being too embarrassed to share what happened with my dad. I still get nervous meeting new people, overly worried about what they will think of me or if they'll like me, or talk behind my back. It's ridiculous I know, I'm a grown woman. Now, as K gets ready to enter into kindergarten, I feel all of my fears and anxiety returning, three hundred fold.  This morning a dear, dear friend of mine had a back to school spa morning for a few girls getting ready for school tomorrow.  I was so grateful that she thought to include us, and I felt it was so very good for K. But, as the morning progressed, the o...

Bear with me as this is a highly personal topic, and I'm probably doing a bit of over-sharing this week so it will be chalk full of grammatical errors I'm sure.  But... I'm doing it on purpose because I'm hoping to 1. work through it all in my head, and 2. share a really tough lesson with other women who maybe struggle with this same thing (or men!) A day in our house usually looks something like this:  6am, everyone is awake  6-7  my husband gets ready for work & leaves. 7-530 chaos ensues. 530-6 hubbie gets home and kids make mad dash for daddy. 6-730: I am trying to get everything cleaned up after dinner, get baths done, bedtime routines, check, etc.  Usually Gibbs will get at least one dirty look throughout the evening (for not changing a dirty diaper when he knew it was there, etc)  Maybe a little snarky comment when he tells one of the kids he's too tired to read another book....  The kids go to sleep, and I gently remind him about the...

I've been reading a book this week that really has me thinking about the type of children I want to raise.  The book, 7 habits of highly successful families, isn't written from a Christian perspective but it has a lot of good thinking points.  It talks about parenting with purpose, and taking the time to sit down and write down the top ten qualities that are most important to you that you hope to instill in your children. I think that coming from an "atypical" (although I suppose these days it's more typical than atypical....) family life, I think more frequently about my style of parenting than others.  Perhaps because it wasn't modeled, I often find myself at a loss for how to handle situations that come up in marriage and parenting. So, with that being said, I spend perhaps TOO much time thinking about how to best parent my little ones.  I know very well how hard it is to learn lessons the difficult way, and would much rather them have a healthy model t...

This month has been a LONG month for us.  We purchased a home, moved our entire household, unpacked every single box (I mean I have unpacked every single box...Gibbs actually has two left... sitting in his office) and found a way to really settle in here already. I've also managed to continue on my weight loss journey, exercise regularly, begin a Precept Bible Study on Abraham all on my own, and try to begin a regular cleaning regimen.  What I'm learning from this, is that discipline begets discipline. Four years ago, I began a journey to really Know God.  Soon after, I struggled with balancing two kids AND a consistent bible study routine.  I slowly got the hang of it, but then I wondered how I would balance that AND the laundry... then I had Caleb. I had to relearn balance all over again. Only a few months ago, I added exercise and a diet plan to my list of things "to do".  It seemed impossible to fit one more thing on my plate, but I slowly integrated it...

All of my life, I have had a questioning mind. I suppose that this comes from a combination of genetics (my father is King of disbelief... just give him any legitimate, verifiable statistic and he'll still find a way to make you feel dumb for believing it!) and environment (see above) I have always seen this as a strength of mine.  I am not easily swayed by others' opinions, I am a constant fact checker, I really want to learn "why" things are the way they are.  But I'm learning that there is a down side to this also.  In my faith life, it means I am constantly questioning God.  I am always asking why things are the way they are, why the commandments are laid out the way they are, why he chooses to answer one thing and chooses not to answer another. When I first became a Christian, I obsessively researched apparent discrepencies in the bible... I thought if I could prove that some of the bible was untrue, what would the point be of living according to It? Now ...

We've had a really great week!  I thought instead of just sharing my reflective dissatisfied, searching for contentment moments, I should also share my joyful, at peace moments. I generally use writing as a type of therapy tool to work through my own thoughts, as well as hoping to share my conclusions and the insights God has shown me that week with others who might be struggling with similar issues. But, I don't want people thinking that I don't LOVE being a full time mom, because I really do!  My kids are the best (though I'm a bit biased I admit) This week I'm grateful for: 1. Time on the boat, spent with family 2. Fresh yummy food from our garden, that I am able to pick whenever I want, eat whenever I want, guilt free! (Kohlrabi) 3. Three kids who love spending time together 4. The time to spend sitting outside on our deck, teaching D about the different types of clouds.  He even made me come inside, get out the Magic School Bus book and show him diff...

I've been blessed with great family growing up. Although I've rarely lived in close proximity to my cousins, I grew up looking forward to family gatherings. Playing with my cousins, staying the night with aunts and uncles, shopping with my grandma on weekends. It's a sense of belonging and love that I want my kids to grow up knowing. But getting married doesn't only mean blending your life to fit with another person's, it also means blending your life to fit with another family.  It can sometimes lead to arguments, exhaustion, and tears. It takes time and patience to assimilate to an entirely new and different way of doing things. I lovingly refer to the differences between my family and my husband's family as different "brands of crazy" It's not difficult to allow rifts to develop in close friendships, between siblings, between father and son. Growing up often brings along with it growing pains. Trying to establish your own household, trying t...